Team: The Cat, The Old Man, Si, Aussie, Nath, Cliffy, Warby, Ross, Jamey, Gaz(c), Craig
Subs: John, Kingy, Lego, AJ
Awesome Supporters: Nails and his vicious hound, Goody, 'tache Jackson and the Gaffer
With their talismanic hero, legend and engine room injured, Jacobs also had to do without AJ who had picked up a knock - he joined Nailsy in viewing this match. Without AJ's vocal encouragement Jacobs had to put up with shouts of "Facking cam on you slaaaags" from one centre back and "fooking hell lads, do a 5 miles warm up before the match, good for fitness!!!" from Gaz - when he wasn't looking at AJ and licking his lips. But luckily for Jacobs they had the calm reassurance of seeing Nailsy on the touch-line, serenely looking on with a god-like presence.
Disaster, someone hacked down a...who were we playing??...Frontline player in the box. PEN!!! Up stepped a chunkster to slam the pen past the hapless Cat, sporting fancy new gloves. Which looked like they were coated in butter. Then Gaz, majestically galloped down the wing, beating two players and then the keep, empty net! Got to be a goal! No. The fucking little arse kissing, freckly, gozzy, Walton scum bag bastard only managed to hit the post. I had to threaten AJ with a vicious attack from my guard dog just to stop him battering Gaz.
Apparently Gaz then scored twice, I'm quite dubious out these claims, I was letting my guard dog rip out a Bulldog's throat at the time and by the time I had returned it was 2-1. So as I am official stat man of this team I'll give one goal to Craig and another to The Cat.
Comically our regular ref gave us a penalty in the dying moments of the half when the ball struck the players chest. Having the same expert official week in and week out was working in our favour. Either that or she just gave decisions based on who shouted the loudest. Anyway, Gaz stepped up and trickled in the penalty for his "Hat-trick". In fairness Stephen Hawking could have head-butted it past the keeper and he still would've scored. Hardly a challenge.
Then to wrap up the day Ross put in a peach of a corner, so called goal-scorer extraordinaire, couldn't get near it and the defender bumbled it in. Sorry Ross, assist. But at least it's a real assist unlike Gaz's made up hat-trick by bribing everyone. The fucking snake.
That's enough for one week. At least James Jackson will be back this weekend to take some of the "Twat" burden off Gaz. Then he can shout at me at training with his shrill, balls trapped in a vice voice as the dogs of Liverpool descend on Walton Sports centre.
Goals: Gaz (apparently) x 3, O.G.
Assists: Warby, Ross
MOTM: Gaz (Fuck off, Benn)
No comments:
Post a Comment